
My guy and I just celebrated 8 years together! However, our “meet cute” story was certainly not so cute and nothing like I had imagined it would be.
We met at a Brunch Meetup. At that time of my life, I was happily “playing the field” as well as traveling a lot for work. I’m not sure why but I was a Dude Magnet during that time...(Who knew that traveling cross country and surviving on 6 hours of sleep would do wonderful things with my personality and complexion?) I embraced my “magnetism” and thoroughly enjoyed myself. All the guys at the table were bending over backwards to make sure I was comfortable and my champagne glass was full.
Except for the guy across me with the striking blue eyes.
My boss had recently raved about the “Eric” omelet (apparently, he was at this restaurant so much they made this special dish for him) and knowing I was a fellow foodie, strongly urged me to “drop his name” and they would make it for me… which of course, I did.
“WHO ARE YOU? Why do you think you’re so special? Do you think you’re a celebrity or something?”
I was taken aback. I never thought I was better than anyone else and the accusation stung. I immediately went into a long detailed explanation about my boss and his omelet.
CHIRP…Chirp…chirp…
What a GREAT first impression that was…
We got our food…
“That looks interesting…can I have a bite of that?”
“Ummmm…..are you talking to me? The “celebrity?”
“Yeah…your omelet looks good”
I finally noticed the twinkle in his eye…
Fifteen minutes later…
“That omelet was really good…are you going to finish that?”
Eight years later, he’s still finishing up my food…
Who knew that I would end up with a Star Wars/Trek (is there REALLY a difference?...) Geek whose idea of a great weekend away is an isolated cabin with no good restaurants or museums and can happily spend hours and HOURS playing volleyball in the hot sun?
My past relationships were never like this. Rather, it would be different versions of the “meet cute” and go through the customary dating period, moving in together and two times, making it legal. And I’d be happy ever after…for a little bit. And then like my pup that doesn’t want to take a bath, I’d look for any and every way out.
But, not this relationship…even after eight years, I still feel giggly and mushy inside when his eyes twinkle at me. He has my back and still makes me laugh all the time. He’s “my person” and I want to be with him as well as find out more about him every year that we’re together.
He also frustrates the heck out of me. I’ve never had anyone press my buttons as much as he does. It hasn’t been smooth sailing all the time. I remember when we tried to break up with each other…
“Well, I guess we should call it.”
“Yeah…I’m going to miss you.”
“Oh, no…I’ll still be around…in fact, I think we should get together at least twice during the week and the whole weekend to spend time together. After all, I might starve.”
“Hmmm…should we just not live together?”
“Well, yeah…but it would be weird not living with you.”
“I don’t think I’d like that either.”
“So, what’s the issue again?”
“I forgot…”
That next Spring, we got each other commitment rings from Tiffany’s. And, we never had THAT conversation again.
There are so many variables why this relationship works when all my other relationships didn’t. I could spend hours and hours disseminating every little detail with my girlfriends over brunch but I need to start packing for our special anniversary trip to Italy. I’ll leave you with this…
Our Relationship is REAL…
From the very beginning, this relationship was real in every way. He showed me who he was at the very beginning and I showed him who I was. We certainly didn’t put our best foot forward and have always been honest and upfront with what works and what doesn’t. I didn’t pretend to love our “weekend away,” in fact, we moved to a nicer place the next night. He doesn’t pretend to enjoy my fascination with American Horror Story and Gilmore Girls.
He also accepts the fact that I will usually look up the recap before I watch a movie or television show…(to my credit, I NEVER reveal the spoiler…) I accept the fact that he will urge me to stay up to watch that same television show and then immediately nod off within the first five minutes. And we both happily admit that we would rather order food to be delivered instead of getting “presentable” to go out on a date. (Thank you, Postmates and Amazon Video!)
For me, this is Nirvana. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone that I’m not and there is no bubble bursting when I realize, in mock horror, he actually likes the Star Trek pajamas that I gave him as a joke and wears them regularly during our Postmates & Amazon Movie date.
We Focus on The Big Picture…
One thing that I’ve learned while in this long-term relationship is that this is NOT Burger King. Having it MY way or His way doesn’t work in the long term. What DOES work is focusing on the big picture… here are our priorities….
Health - I tell him all the time, “We need to be able to ‘torture’ each other until we’re ‘old,’ so we have to take care of ourselves so we’ll be around.” No more cookies for breakfast (damn those blood tests!) and gourmet dinners with all the fine wine. And yes, we’ve now reached that point where we will talk about our ailments within the first five minutes of our conversation… SWELL…
Security - We don’t want to scramble financially in our twilight years so we need to live within our means NOW. This means we don’t have a big house and unfortunately, cannot travel to every place on our bucket list. Although, to be honest, I’m still working on the Hot Tub justification because I think it would also improve our Health…wouldn’t you agree?
Connection - I have to admit, this is our most challenging task. Both of us are driven and we make ourselves so busy that it would be easy to just focus on our goals. But, we’ve made a pact…Time in the morning with our coffee and some snuggling at night.
“I love you sweetie pie….”
“Yes, we're on Good Terms."
“Seriously?”
“What I really meant was I love you too...Sweet Dreams...”
We Learn Together
I will be 55 years old in a week. I’ve been around the block (several times) and I know stuff. My guy just turned 50 last month. This isn’t his first rodeo…he knows stuff. We both know stuff. And, the most important thing is we both know that sometimes, we don’t know anything and we will never know everything.
And honestly, this is what keeps us going.
“Why is the teen (aka Darth) so grumpy in the morning? I’m trying to have a conversation with her and she seems like she’s mad?”
“Try asking her about what music she’s listening these days…”
“Wow…it worked! I actually got four words this morning…I like this song.”
(TINY, Tiny, tiny steps...)
I’m also always amazed how much I learn from My Guy. Some stuff is quite humorous and does make me laugh out loud (usually, at his expense) and some stuff is quite valuable…although, I can be very reluctant to admit it to him face to face. And, what’s really interesting is that I learn a lot about myself through his honest (and sometimes very blunt) observations and perceptions. And believe me, this is reciprocated in our relationship.
This keeps us moving forward…
So, to My Guy…
Here’s to the life we built in the last eight years. Our home, our community of friends, the Kid (now Teen) and our “Zoo.” I will happily travel the world, taste the wines, dress up in elaborate costumes and even overcome my anxiety of zip lining with crazy Thai guides for you. .
Thank you for a fantabulous (MY word) eight years! I look forward to more adventures and lessons and lots of laughter…
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