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CONNECT: Not Another Party...When Can I Go Home?...3 Party Survival Tactics To Get You Through The Season!

12.7-RSG Blog-Introvert Parties


It’s that busy holiday time…there is something about the holidays that encourages me to make a special effort to go out to reconnect and socialize.  However, the more parties & events I go to, the more I desire to be alone.   In fact, if you know the true definition of an introvert (to turn inward or in upon itself), you would agree that I would fall into the introvert category. However, my Significant Other completely disagrees with me on this point. 

 

“You’re not an introvert…I can never keep track of you at parties…You’re always working the room…and usually part of the loudest group.”

 

Ok…he does have a point.  I do like spending time with people I know and am comfortable with.  But when it comes to events with new people or people I don’t see on a regular basis, I tend to drag my feet. You might have some of those events on your calendar.   Like the Significant Other’s office party (...smile & try to remember names…), the Reciprocal Cocktail Hour (...they’ve come to so many of our things, we have to go to theirs….) and my all time favorite…the Awkward Extended Family Holiday Gathering (...oh look…THEY’RE here…are you two married yet?...)

 

Usually before, during and after these gatherings, I desperately fight the urge to run home to my fuzzy pajamas and cuddly 4-legged roomies. They don’t mind if I don’t speak for hours and they don’t judge me when I endlessly snack.   And frankly, they don’t care if I’m not dressed up or if my hair is brushed...the bonus is that they will happily clean up any crumbs from my holiday goodies.

 

Can you relate?  I think, especially during this hectic Holiday Season, we can all have introvert-like tendencies…(...please say you do…I don’t want to be alone in this!)  In the spirit of the Holidays, I will share my 3 Party Survival Tactics that get me through the season…

 

#1-Fake It Until You Make It

 

“You’re not going like that, are you?” 

 

With my new career path, I’m often in my "athleisure" attire  (aka comfortable, stretchy & nap-able) because I’m usually in front of a laptop or on the phone.  If I do look in the mirror, I usually will cringe slightly just because I’m horrified about how many directions my hair can and will actually go .  Mentally, I’m also very much into my head…focused with thoughts and brilliant ideas on how to change the world... well, you get the picture.

 

So, that’s the first step for me.  I have to get out of that persona and physically transition into the “extroverted” me.   This means tackling my hair and putting on nice clothes (without dog hair) and shoes that aren’t loud slippers or flip flops.  While I’m getting ready, I’ll put on music that will get me in the mood.  (No, it’s not cheerful Santa music but if it works for you, by all means,  “Deck Those Hollies!”)   Eventually, I can will work myself up to that “Hi, I’m Allie…How are you!?” state. 

 

“Wow…you do clean up nicely!”

 

Step One…Completed

 

#2 – Come to the Party With Relatable “Ice Breakers”

 

If you’re part of a couple (or you have a really good friend), you usually have a “rescue gesture” that translates into “Come HELP me get away from this conversation”  (NOTE:  Drinking your cocktail/wine in one gulp is not your best option…in fact, it could be dangerous for you and really annoying for those around you…)  What is actually even worse than this situation is realizing that YOU may be the person that everyone is trying to get away from!

 

So, come prepared.  Think of at least 2 to 3 Ice Breakers …common subjects that you feel comfortable talking about and that other people will feel comfortable hearing.  Make sure that your subjects are inclusive and that other people can relate to them and will contribute to that conversation.  Make them happy and humorous subjects…weather, kids, puppies…Be sure to ask them questions about how they feel about the weather, kids and puppies.

 

Make sure you have back-up subjects…when the person’s eyes glaze over and they start looking in different directions, you’ve clearly hit the buzzer…time to change the subject quickly. 

 

Long story short…try and find a commonality with the people you’re socializing with.   This will help you enjoy your evening as well as let people enjoy you.

 

 

#3 – Come With NO Expectations

 

You look fabulous!  You have great Ice Breakers!…You will have met interesting  people!…Now, your whole life will change!    Ok, that’s not true…your whole life will not change…at least, not with that one party.  That party is the tip of the iceberg.

 

I have had introverted clients who have major expectations when they make the effort to come out of their shells.  And almost 90% of them, come away discouraged and disillusioned.  I feel them…it’s such a big step to break away from what we know and what we’re comfortable with.  It’s the Cinderella syndrome where she gets to be a princess all night and then it’s all taken away from her after the evening is over.  But, I think if we focus on the fantasy and not the reality, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

 

The reality is things don’t change overnight…or in a week…or in a month or a year. Things change gradually and when you’re consistent, they become more of a real shift.  The hardest challenge is to take action to leave something that you’re comfortable in and explore what you don’t know.  There’s no guarantee whether we’ll like it when we get there but we won’t know until we’ve tried.  

 

I’ve never been a big fan about getting a trophy for “showing up” but here’s where I’ll make that exception.  You may not see the payoff right away but it will come.  If I succumbed to my introvert tendencies, I would have never met the people I consider my lifelines.  I would have never found the career path that keeps me fulfilled and content.  I would have never met my partner that gets me out and about.

 

Instead, I would probably be on a constant sugar high and only have meaningless conversations with creatures that hog the couch and steal my snacks.   And while that is heaven some of the time, I also need human connection. 

 

It’s been a pleasure to share my thoughts with you for this year…I’m taking a nice long Holiday break (more parties and more snacks!) …I’m looking forward to connecting with you all in 2017!

 

Happy Holidays!

 

 
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ACHIEVE: Following and Living Your Dream... 4 things You Should Know Before You Start Your Journey…

11.18-RSG-Coffee Blog Post




When I look back in my career, I always fondly remember when I was working with the Client Adoption Team at  Monster Worldwide.   We were a fairly new group with many initiatives to implement and we were very successful.  It was definitely hard and satisfying work and during our most challenging and stressful 48 hour days, we would remind each other how we were “Living the Dream!”    

 

Up until last year, I was a Corporate Recruiting Consultant working with some great companies building their teams.  I’d been doing this for most of my working life and while I really liked what I was doing, I felt something was missing.   I was really stuck!   After some intense soul searching and understanding what I needed, I made the decision to leave my established career and start my own Coaching practice.   Again, I’m "Living the Dream!"   I was able to uncover my Life Purpose (more about that in future posts)  and create work for myself where I could live my dream every day.  Looking back, this was one of the most challenging times for me and completely worth it!  My life has definitely changed for the better.

 

I can happily tell you that I go to bed each night feeling pretty content and usually wake up inspired and ready to go.  Ok, that might be pushing it…in reality, you won’t see me “ready to go” while getting my daughter to school at 6 am …let me change that statement to read…”after my first cup of coffee, I’m inspired and ready to go!” 

 

Are you living your dream?  Are you working in your dream job?  Satisfied with your health and fitness?  Living with people who you connect with and feel supported?  Incorporating a balance of Work & Life?   I’m going to guess that since you’ve read this far, you’re probably pursuing your dream or at least, thinking about it.  Here are 4 things that I wish I knew when I was pursuing mine.

 

1/Get comfortable with not KNOWING things. 

 

I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about most things.  But changing career paths and my expertise field was daunting.  I knew I brought a valuable education and broad experience from my past career but there were a lot of aspects that I really needed to educate myself on.  Which is what I did…I enrolled in a Coaching program and took an additional program with the Institute of Integrative Nutrition which helped me specialize in Holistic Nutrition and Wellness.  And, I’m still taking writing, teaching and entrepreneurial courses that will hone my skills even more.   I’ve learned to love learning and if you think about it…a thirst for something new is what was probably driving me to make a change. 

 

So, don’t discourage yourself with feelings of inadequacy…know that you will be lacking in some areas and take the positive steps to narrow that gap!

 

2/Really understand the WHY of your Dream!

 

When my clients tell me about their Dream, the first thing I want to know is why this is so important to them?   Trust me, there’s no judgment in this question at all.  The point of this question is to uncover and understand what is motivating them and for them to know that this is really what they want!   

 

I wanted to go to Law School for the longest time…took the LSAT and got into a great program.  When someone asked me how I was going to juggle my family and work, I realized that my family would be always more important than my job.  I became a mom within a year and I was so happy that I could balance a family life with my career.  So many of us chase what we think we want and then when we get there, we find that we don’t want to be there at all or other things are more important to us.   So here are some good questions to ask yourself before you start…

 

  • WHAT does my Dream LOOK like?…Paint a picture of your Vision as detailed as possible…
  • HOW do I want to FEEL after I reach my Dream?  ..Are there other dreams or options that can give me the same feelings?
  • HOW will I change from WHO I am now and WHO I’ll be after my Dream is reached?   Pinpointing how you will actually change after your dream will help you incorporate what really is important to you 


 

3/Will the BENEFIT of my Dream OUTWEIGH the SACRIFICES I’ll have to make?

 

I have to say that this part took the longest for me to figure out.  It wasn’t just the consistent paycheck that I sacrificed.   Leaving what I was an expert in to move towards something that was new was humbling.  In my past career, I had a great reputation in Recruiting and I was always busy, even during the slow times.  Now, as I’m building my practice, I’m definitely working outside of my comfort level.  

 

I was lucky enough to have a great experience that confirmed I was doing the right thing. Last Spring, I had an excited client who made a special trip back into the office to show me his job offer.  He emphasized that it was our work together that helped him get there.  I walked on a cloud for the rest of that week!  Totally worth the risk and the "getting out of my comfort zone!"

 

 

4/WHAT does it look like AFTER you reach your Dream?

 

We all know that it’s a GREAT feeling when you finally reach your dream!  So, what happens after you’re done?  If you are like me and some of my clients, you might feel a little sad after your dream is completed.  However, you can push past this phase by envisioning what it will be like after you succeed.  And then, start all over again.  The beauty about “Living the Dream” is there is no limit to how many dreams you can live! 

 

Got that dream job?  Now, you can work on Life/Work Balance!  Feeling Fit and Healthy?  Now, it may be a great time to connect with that special someone?  Have you been taking care of yourself and getting to know what makes you inspired?  Maybe, it’s time to figure out and really work your Life Purpose?

 

Looking ahead and continually pursuing different and bigger dreams will always keep you going forward.  Which will keep you inspired and motivated to keep making positive changes to your life and constantly, “Living Your Dream!”

 

I better have more coffee…I just thought of two more dreams I liked to follow… 

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NURTURE: Why is it so hard to be true to ourselves?

11.1-RSG-Blog Post - Oscar Wilde


Last Saturday, I lead a great Powerhouse Circle group in discussing ways how to get ourselves “unstuck.”  We talked about the different ways we felt stuck…how we got there and our challenges to “pull ourselves out of the mud” and move forward.  There were great insights shared and the one that stood out the most was how we all “play a role” that’s not true to who we really are.

 

And that got me thinking…

 

Why is it so hard to be true to ourselves?

 

Now, I can’t speak for any of you because, of course, we have different perspectives and approaches to life but I would like to share some reasons and insights that came out of that conversation…

 

We don’t like CONFLICT

 

I don’t know about you but I will go out of my way NOT to disagree or disappoint people.   Consequently, I have ended up in relationships, situations and conversations that lasted way too long. 

 

When I was in my late twenties, I started dating a friend of a friend.  My group of friends were so excited!  Visions of an engagement, wedding and future family were the topics of most of our conversations.   And, I’ll admit…I fell into right into those dreams.  But there was a problem…while I liked the guy, I could never see him as my future partner.

 

However, I stayed with him for two very long years.  Every time I tried to break off the relationship, it would start arguments between my family and friends, as well as with him and then I would just “settle in” and tell myself that life wasn’t meant to be perfect.  You know how the story ends…one morning, I woke up and realized that I was living someone else’s life.  Needless to say, we are no longer together and I eventually met the love of my life.  Best of all, everyone likes him...most importantly, ME!

 

 

We want to be ACCEPTED

 

We all have had experience at least once when we shared something that made us different than the group.  Unfortunately, that has rarely been celebrated.

 

When I first started out in my career, I had a great opportunity to implement HR functions at a Manufacturing Company who never had a HR presence before.  I found myself on the Leadership Team with a group of experienced middle-aged professionals.  Being a new grad, I had fresh ideas and limitless energy.  And, I really knew my stuff.  I remember sharing my ideas to improve Employee Morale the first month and having them all quickly shot down.  I was embarrassed and intimidated at that time and from that point on, I vowed to just “go with the flow.” 

 

Not surprisingly, I got sick a lot and hated my job.  I felt useless and like an imposter.  And when people kept quitting, I felt resentful and frustrated.  After a year, I jumped at a different job offer from a company who really valued my ideas.

 

We have EXPECTATIONS of Who We SHOULD Be

 

We all have the gap of who we SHOULD be and WHO we really are.  I guess the real question is why WHO we are isn’t good enough for our worst critic…ourselves.

 

I remember when I was just starting out in my Health Coaching practice and I went to a networking event.  They had a great breakfast spread…fruit, yogurt, and  ALMOND CROISSANTS.  Almond Croissants are on my top 5 of Favorite Foods but since I was THE Health Coach, I only took the fruit and yogurt and sat down at a table with some very friendly women.  One woman started eating her croissant and started telling us how fresh and delicious it was with just the right amount of sweetness.  I couldn’t stand it…I quickly excused myself to get one for myself, making a joke that my Healthy Eating Plan was based on a 80%-20% rule and I was taking a Zumba class later that day. 

 

Later that day, one of the women asked for my card.  She scheduled her initial consultation immediately and was ready to start!  I complemented her on her drive and motivation and she laughed and told me, “It was you going back for the croissant.  I knew that you were “real,” and wouldn’t be standing on a pedestal dictating what I should do.  You were comfortable enough with yourself to be who you are and I want someone to help me be like that.”

 
So, the next time you begin to doubt yourself and head down that path you KNOW you don’t want to go towards…ask yourself these questions…

 

-Am I just avoiding conflict?  Am I living true to who I am or am I just trying to please the people in my life?

 

-Am I afraid of not being accepted?  What value do I bring to this group/project if I just go along with what everyone says? 

 

And finally...

Why would the "REAL ME" not be enough?  What do I have and want to offer?  

 

Now excuse me…I have to go for a run since there is a bakery that just opened up…guess what their specialty is?   ;)   I’m interested in hearing/reading about what you think?  Thoughts?

 

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NOURISH: Eating Healthier…One Bite at a Time

So, it’s mid-afternoon and I just got off my conference call. I ate a very healthy lunch but now I have that craving for ….something. I know the café has freshly baked dessert downstairs or I could just go buy some BBQ chips….what to do…what to do… Read More
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It IS what It IS, MOM!

9.27-RSG - Blog 2-2



I became a mom at 40…let me tell you that journey can be rewarding & challenging at the same time.  What stands out most in this adventure is how much I learn from my wise & wacky kid.  From time to time, I’d like to share these stories with you and I’d love to hear yours!   

 

I started out as a very idealistic mom.  I was raised to believe that if you worked hard and planned well, the outcome would be as expected.  After all, this was mostly the experience in my professional and social world.  I worked my 60 hours a week and I was rewarded with great commissions and recognition.  I studied hard and I got a 3.9 GPA in school.  I planned well and everything would seem to work out as planned.

 

That is until the Charming Tyrant came into my life…

 

I remember trying to get this little one down for the night.  She wasn’t ready for bed and kept me telling that she was NOT tired and that she really wanted MORE cuddle time and ONE more story.  I had to catch a flight in the morning and really needed to get packing.  Finally after much pleading and pouting, I told her, “Cutie…It is what it is…I know you’re not tired and you want to stay awake longer but it is what it is.”

 

The next morning, there was the frantic morning rush.  The tyrant was moving in slow motion…stopping to cuddle with the cat…putting one shoe on and looking for her other shoe (which was in her hand) …spinning herself in circles and counting how long it would take to “really” get dizzy (“Look mom, I can count!”)  Finally, after much dramedy, we were able to finally get out of the house.

 

Exasperated and stressed, I muttered under my breath…”For once, I would just like to get out of the house ON time, WITHOUT incidents.”  And the Charming Tyrant looked up at me with that sweet smile and said, “It is what it IS, MOM!”

 

I guess there are several “take-aways” here.  One…kids really listen to EVERYTHING you say.   Two…parents really should “WALK THE TALK” or they will get busted.  However, let me explain my true Light Bulb moment… (please visualize the Light Bulb turning on in my head…)

 

That morning, my toddler helped me really understand what “It is what it is” really meant.  She GOT it way before I did…When my marriage broke up, I tearfully told her that we had to move and our lives were going to change…she comforted me by telling me “It is what it is, Mom…we’ll be ok.” When our flight got cancelled and we had to wait 6 hours for the next flight, she calmed me down with “It is what it is, Mom…let’s get a snack.”  And even last Friday, when we were stuck in rush traffic, she shrugged and said, “It is what it is, Mom…let me play you this cool song I downloaded.”

 

I have definitely evolved knowing this information and now, I strive to be more grounded, accepting and adaptable.  Looking back, I realize that I was definitely in denial and would purposely avoid any thing that would bring me stress, pain or feeling uncomfortable.  And…when I couldn’t bypass it, I would become so angry, frustrated and feel completely disillusioned.  Sometimes, out of fear or spite, I’d stop what I was working towards because I didn’t want to be in the same uncomfortable situation again.

 

I don’t think that served me well at all and I probably missed out on a lot of great opportunities.  (Would have, Should have, Could have…)  Thanks to my daughter, I’m better at recognizing that life can get messy, emotional and hard to deal with.  Because, “It is what it is.”  Changing my perspective and approach has helped me quickly move on with the frustration and disappointment.  Instead, I start to focus on figuring out alternative ways to deal with the situation.

 

For example, I could just go to bed and be well rested for the next day.  Or, leave an unhappy relationship sooner instead of tolerating the tension and negativity.  Or buy the whole album because I really like the “cool” song that I listened to while I was in Friday night traffic. 

 

After all, It is what it is… 

 

I’d love to hear about your “It is what it is” experiences! 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Fall is Here...New Beginnings and a Great Purpose!

9.17-RSG Website-1st Blog Post Moms Painting


I love Fall…there is something about the crisper air, kids grudgingly going back to school and starting a new grade and relieved parents going back to the “routine.”  In fact, some cultures believe that Fall is the “beginning” of the next year.

This is the “beginning” of MY new year and my blog!  After sitting on the sidelines for years and admiring, learning and absorbing other fantastic blogs, I have finally “walked the talk” and started one of my own.  Of course, since I can never do anything simply, I’m also launching my own Coaching Business (www.ready-set-go.me)   To say that I’m nervous and overwhelmed would be the understatement of the century.  And yet, I’m also really excited and my brain won’t turn off all the ideas and dreams.

When I was contemplating a change in my life, I have to admit I was very comfortable and grateful for where I was.  As a Recruiting Consultant, I had a great gig recruiting for Deloitte (one of the best corporations I always admired).  I also had (and still have) a great personal life…a wonderful FGE (Favorite Guy Ever aka Significant Other, Long Term Boyfriend, etc), 4 spirited Rescue Dogs, 1 extremely patient long-suffering Cat and a smart, infuriating snarky Daughter as well as supportive and fun friends to fill my days.  And yet…something was still missing.

I read an article (for the life of me, I can’t find it but when I do, we’ll talk about this again) that really resonated with me.  It described how when we were younger, we focused on our List of Objectives (aka Things To Do…you know…walk the dogs, get groceries, pay the bills.)  From there, we graduated to “Our Goals” such as getting our degree, getting that dream job, finding that right partner.  Finally, after completing some of our goals and maybe straying off our path, we begin to understand our Great Purpose. 

But here’s a thought…what happens if we try to visualize our Great Purpose first?  Wouldn’t our objectives and goals be more aligned?  A caveat here is to make sure that our Great Purpose is as generalized and flexible as you can make it so you won’t get discouraged when you veer off course (trust me, you’re supposed to) and give up.

After much thought and rumination, I discovered that my Great Purpose was to Inspire!  And that, my readers, is this Blog’s Great Purpose.  As a Holistic Wellness Coach, I believe that we need to pay attention to all aspects of our life: 

  • Nourishing ourselves with healthy and enjoyable nutrition
  • Nurturing ourselves by taking care of our body, mind & soul with exercise, passions and balance
  • Achieving small and big wins like eating more vegetables, getting promoted to that dream job and finding the life you want
  • Connecting with the people (your tribe) that you “click” and can count on and inspire you to be who you are.
 
You will find posts that will include great recipes (some healthy, some decadent…don’t judge), exercise and adventure ideas (my passion is travel…I work so I can go on more adventures), career advice (I’ve been on that other side that “hires”…trust me, I can give you some good perspective) and relationship insights (somehow, my family stories could fill a couple of books).  Hopefully, these posts will inspire you to share your thoughts and stories and together we can build a community support system that can be a great resource and inspiration as well!

P.S....The photo above is a painting that my Mom painted when she was 85 years old...talk about inspiring!

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