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allison_lowe@yahoo.com

NURTURE: Are You Your Own Priority? Why Not?

4.4-Blog - Putting Yourself First




I have a client who is a full time working mother with a busy family.  She also has an active social life as well as volunteering at the local Veteran’s Group.  We chat at least once a month.   Last month, I noticed her voice was pretty raspy.


 “Hey…are you feeling ok?”


 “Oh sure, I’ve had this cold for two weeks now…I keep meaning to go to the doctor but my plate is so full right now.   I’m sure I’ll feel better soon”



 Three weeks later, we connected again.  Now, she sounded like a boy who was going thru the “change.”


 “Soooooo…how’s that cold of yours?”


 “I can’t believe I still have this!  We’re going to the doctor because my daughter is now sick and I don’t want her to get worse.”

 
Those of you who know me really well will say this client has the ALLIE  modus operandi because I WAS that client five years ago.

 
I remember when I was traveling for work and had that pesky “cold” for three months.  I finally went to the doctor and after she checked me out, she started to roll her eyes.   She asked me…   

 “Why has it taken you so long to come see me?  Is it really SO hard for you to put yourself as a priority?

 
How many of you out there feel this?

 
From my warped perspective, here’s what would happened if I took time off to take care of myself…

 

I would be so behind.

 

Stuff won’t get done right.

 

People would be let down.

 

 
Life has a funny way of working out.  Because I waited so long, my cold turned into Walking Pneumonia.  Guess what?

 

I got really behind because, inevitably, I had to reschedule everything.

 

Stuff didn’t even get started.

 

People were let down anyways.

 

I’m not sure why putting myself as a priority is such a hard concept for me to grasp.  Why am I in such denial?

 

“I have TOO much to do!...

 

“It will all FALL APART if I don’t take care of it!”

 

“I HATE telling people no!”

 

Let’s give each other an “IRL (In Real Life) check” for these above statements…

 

TOO MUCH TO DO!

 
We have too much to do because we, ourselves, have made it that way. 

 

It’s BIG thinking at it’s worst!  And really, how much are you really getting done?  What’s the quality of your solutions?  Do you ever feel relaxed?   Are you ever at peace?   Or, do you feel like you’re on a treadmill and it’s going too fast?   

 

I found that the treadmill doesn’t stop until I press “OFF”   There will ALWAYS be something to take care of.   And once you’ve set the expectation that you take care of everything 24/7, it’s hard to “shake” that reputation.  You will be the “go to,” ALL the time, whether it’s an emergency or not.

 

While this is flattering, it’s exhausting!  You’re not a machine…you’re a human that needs to eat, rest and shut “OFF” once in a while. 

 

 

IT WILL ALL FALL APART IF I DON’T TAKE CARE OF IT

 

Heard in my household…

 

“Hey, can someone load the dishwasher, please?”

 

“Why, Mom?  You’re a control-freak-a-holic…we all know that you go back and reload it anyways!”

 

My mom was married to Leo, a former Lieutenant Colonel in the Army.  The first week of their marriage, he tried to teach her how to make the bed the “military” way.  I wonder if my mom even tried because housework was never one of her favorite things.  Not surprisingly, her bed never passed inspection.   And my stepfather made the bed for the next 25 years. 

 

Based on these two examples, I’m going to guess that our control issues have backfired on us every time.

 

The need to have everything done “our way” leads us to a faulty perception...  If we don’t do it, then it won’t be done right and everything will fall apart.  I call it my Wonder Woman Complex.   

 

This theory might have served me well when I was just starting out in my career.  In graduate school, I had to make sure that everyone did their part in our group projects.  When I was in my first Recruiting Manager job, I had to make my recruiters followed the company process.  And as a single working traveling mother, I had to make sure that bags were packed with everything we needed.  Lots of detail management that was quite challenging for the non-detailed me.

 

This mentality doesn’t work as well for me now.  I have more responsibilities with even more details, players and impact to consider.  And although I’d like to think I’m still able to be Wonder Woman, I don’t necessarily want to be the lonely superhero anymore.

 

I like it when people help me out.  It helps me feel like I’m part of the world and not just running around saving the world by myself.

 

Look back on something that you’ve insisted on doing all yourself?  What was sacrificed?  Was it really worth it, in the long run?

 

Life as Wonder Woman can be exhausting …I’d much rather be snuggling with my "Lieutenant Trevor"…4.4-emoji - kiss

 

 I HATE TELLING PEOPLE “NO!”

 

Hello…my name is Allie and I’m a people pleaser.   There, I said it.  

 

I really like helping people and if I have a free hour, instead of doing yoga or taking time for myself…I would pick someone up, help them move, go to their child’s first violin recital (not recommended if you have a headache)…etc.   I love the intrinsic “warm fuzzy”  that  warms my heart when I know I’ve helped someone…hence, my career choice.

 

What I don’t like is when other things fall through the cracks because I was so busy focusing on someone else’s priorities instead of mine. 

 

How many times have you skipped your workout because you were helping someone else?  (Guilty!) 

Or, realized that you haven’t eaten anything all day because you promised to help a panicked coworker with a work crisis?  (Guilty!) 

My most recent embarrassing situation is when I was so busy getting my daughter ready for our party, I forgot that I needed time to get myself ready.  There is nothing like greeting your guest in a robe and turban and excusing yourself abruptly so you can get dressed in five seconds.   


 

All in all, this gets tiring.  And, I hate to admit this, but after some point, I become resentful.  I walk around with the biggest chip on my shoulder and develop the perception that people don’t appreciate me enough.  Then, it gets very very quiet in my household.  During our "snuggle time after the party, my partner commented, 

 

“You know…your daughter is now fifteen…I think she can get ready on her own now.”

 

“But, she asked me.  I liked helping her…”

 

“Oh, I see…What if I “asked” you to take care of yourself first and not walk around like a martyr?…Would this put me in front of the Priority Line?”

 

You know,…there’s some smarts underneath those adorable blue eyes of his.

 
It’s good to help people.  It’s also good to help yourself.  And as the flight attendant will tell you, you must make sure that your oxygen mask is on before you can help anyone else.  End of story…there is no way around that.

 

So, tonight, I’m taking the night off for myself.  The door is closed.   I’m doing a nice 90 minute Yin Yoga session and listening to Miles.  There’s a sign on my door that says, “Unless you’re bleeding or dying, do not disturb.”  My “zoo” is anxiously pacing outside my door (because they can’t read) ... eventually they give up.  There is a sense of calm in my house and it's generating from ME!

 

After my “ME” session, it's back to business.  My daughter proudly recites five minutes of Mandarin Chinese to me.  (Since I don’t understand Mandarin Chinese, I’m going to pretend it’s a poem honoring her wonderful, generous mother.)  My partner comes in happily announcing that he has advanced to the next level of his video game…We all have goals.  Each member of the "zoo" has demanded their nice belly rub and snuggle.  I have voicemails and emails to respond to.    

Yes, I'm still in demand and still have my responsibilities.  However, I'm in a much better state of mind now.   

 

There is too much to do but again, there will always be too much to do.

 

Things probably will fall apart but it’s not my responsibility to make sure that everyone is happy and everything is done.

 

People still love me when I say “No.”…in fact, in this house, they might even love me more now…

 

So, what about you? 

When are you going to start being your First Priority?


If you liked this article and want more, I’d love to include you in my Email List. I promise not to bombard you! I send out monthly newsletters with helpful articles & invites that may help alleviate your frustrations with Health, Life Balance, Career, Purposes & Relationships. I think this information would be useful and valuable and it's at no cost to you! Sign up here… http://ready-set-go.me


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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allison_lowe@yahoo.com

NURTURE: Honoring Your Inner Voice

2.28-RSG-Dont-shush-your-inner-voice


 
Have you ever kicked yourself for not listening to that inner voice?

 

I’ve kicked myself so much... I have bruises!

 

As many of you may know, I’ve been a recruiter for many many years and I’m quite good at it…I’m the one who can find the “needle in the haystack” and hire 60 people in 30 days.  (Yay me!)  But after 20+ years, I can do it in my sleep and sadly, have found less joy & satisfaction at the end of the work day. 

 

So, I started my journey to figure out, “what’s it all about, Allie?”

 

“I think you should coach, honey…you’re very good at telling me what to do.” 

 

Let me clarify here…I’m really good at “suggesting” what I think my partner should do.   And although, I hate to admit it…in a sense… he was a ‘little’ right.   (Shhhhh…)  I really do like helping people and coaching definitely sparked an interest.  But, I approached this career path with a bit of caution…my previous exposure to Life Coaching had a very “You go, Girl!” theme and I’d mostly observe Life Coaches telling their audience that they can JUST DO IT no matter what kind of circumstances that client is facing.  And then, after their “show,”  they would just walk away…

 

This way didn’t work for me at all.  In my career, I know that reaching our goals is a lot of hard work, sacrifice, and planning.  I didn’t want to be a  “cheerleader” …I really wanted to help people figure out their pain point and help them acknowledge what they were willing to do to eliminate that.  Step-by-step.  #notawoowoogirl

 

I did my research and some networking to find a program that was right for me.  I enrolled into Coach U and after my first 6 months of classes, I really grew to love it.  I wasn’t learning how to tell my clients what to do at all…I was guiding them, helping to honor their inner voice and motivating them to DO something about it.  And, once they came up with a plan, I’d gently hold them accountable for the deadlines that they would set for themselves. 

 

THIS was my purpose now.  I started dreaming about when I'd open my own practice…

 

Because of my history in recruiting, it was just assumed that I would go into Career Coaching.  Simple, right?   However, for me, there is SO much more!  To help someone figure what they really want to do takes MUCH more than just talking about resumes, interviews and promotions. 

 

You really have to be able to understand your client…what they want…why they want it…and what they’re willing to do or give up to have it.  And, we all know, that our careers are not the only things that will make us satisfied and happy with our lives.  Many people I know have GREAT jobs they love…but they’re still struggling with a health, relationship or life balance issue.


But, even the coach doesn't keep her eye on the ball all the time...


 

 “Honey, you are SO good at career coaching…why complicate your life?  Just help people get the jobs they want and they’ll be happy…which means you will be happy…which means I’LL be happy…”

 

Again, my partner had a point...he's on a winning streak.  I have 20+ years experience in hiring people and helping candidates get the jobs they want.  And part of the reason I wanted to scale back from my consulting was to be able to establish a better Life Balance.   More time to spend with him and my kid…More time to spend rescuing animals…More time with my friends… More time for myself.

 

So, I altered my path.  I’ve always admired a well-known company and an opportunity came up for me to do some passive recruiting.   Passive recruiting is when a recruiter reaches out to employees of competing companies to establish connections.  I was supposed to find out what that candidate was missing from their current situation and highlight my company instead.   


I had a list of my client's company's advantages and benefits ready but most of the people I connected with weren't interested in that.  What they really wanted to focus on was how to get out of the field itself and pursue their “real” life dreams.  


 

Hmmmm…that inner voice was talking to me again...

 

Since my new assignment was flexible, I also started volunteering to do Career Coaching for veterans.  And, guess what?  Although our conversations would start out about helping them find a job, we’d spend most of the time trying to figure out how they could live the life they really wanted.

 

Now, the inner voice was getting louder…

 

After being with the passive recruiting assignment for a while, the company was very pleased with my work and I got a call from my client wanting to make our arrangement “official.”   While I was flattered and my ego was soaring, my body started giving me very different signals.   My throat started to close up and all of a sudden, I felt really flushed. 

 

Now, my inner voice was shouting!  “STOP…THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT!”

 

I gave notice the next day.  I knew I had to keep moving forward on the path that I envisioned my Life Purpose to be.   And while I  still got a thrill in finding my "needle in the haystacks," in my heart, what I really want to do is help people live the life that they really want to live. 

 

From that day on, I made the commitment to myself to found and develop Ready Set Go!  To get you unStuck.  To help you become aware how Health, Balance, Purpose and Connections all contribute to keep you moving forward.  To help you with what’s holding you back from living the life that you want.  

 

And, I’ve never looked back. 

 

Sure...I have less time and money for other things now but I'm happy!  I know I’m on my right track because I’m finally listening and committing to my inner voice... to live the life that I want.  

 

How about you?…What’s your inner voice telling you?

If you liked this article and want more, I’d love to include you in my Email List. I promise not to bombard you. I send out monthly newsletters with helpful articles & invites that may help alleviate your frustrations with Health, Life Balance, Career, Purposes & Relationships. I think this information would be useful and valuable and it's at no cost to you! Sign up here… http://ready-set-go.me


 

 

 

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allison_lowe@yahoo.com

NURTURE: Why is it so hard to be true to ourselves?

11.1-RSG-Blog Post - Oscar Wilde


Last Saturday, I lead a great Powerhouse Circle group in discussing ways how to get ourselves “unstuck.”  We talked about the different ways we felt stuck…how we got there and our challenges to “pull ourselves out of the mud” and move forward.  There were great insights shared and the one that stood out the most was how we all “play a role” that’s not true to who we really are.

 

And that got me thinking…

 

Why is it so hard to be true to ourselves?

 

Now, I can’t speak for any of you because, of course, we have different perspectives and approaches to life but I would like to share some reasons and insights that came out of that conversation…

 

We don’t like CONFLICT

 

I don’t know about you but I will go out of my way NOT to disagree or disappoint people.   Consequently, I have ended up in relationships, situations and conversations that lasted way too long. 

 

When I was in my late twenties, I started dating a friend of a friend.  My group of friends were so excited!  Visions of an engagement, wedding and future family were the topics of most of our conversations.   And, I’ll admit…I fell into right into those dreams.  But there was a problem…while I liked the guy, I could never see him as my future partner.

 

However, I stayed with him for two very long years.  Every time I tried to break off the relationship, it would start arguments between my family and friends, as well as with him and then I would just “settle in” and tell myself that life wasn’t meant to be perfect.  You know how the story ends…one morning, I woke up and realized that I was living someone else’s life.  Needless to say, we are no longer together and I eventually met the love of my life.  Best of all, everyone likes him...most importantly, ME!

 

 

We want to be ACCEPTED

 

We all have had experience at least once when we shared something that made us different than the group.  Unfortunately, that has rarely been celebrated.

 

When I first started out in my career, I had a great opportunity to implement HR functions at a Manufacturing Company who never had a HR presence before.  I found myself on the Leadership Team with a group of experienced middle-aged professionals.  Being a new grad, I had fresh ideas and limitless energy.  And, I really knew my stuff.  I remember sharing my ideas to improve Employee Morale the first month and having them all quickly shot down.  I was embarrassed and intimidated at that time and from that point on, I vowed to just “go with the flow.” 

 

Not surprisingly, I got sick a lot and hated my job.  I felt useless and like an imposter.  And when people kept quitting, I felt resentful and frustrated.  After a year, I jumped at a different job offer from a company who really valued my ideas.

 

We have EXPECTATIONS of Who We SHOULD Be

 

We all have the gap of who we SHOULD be and WHO we really are.  I guess the real question is why WHO we are isn’t good enough for our worst critic…ourselves.

 

I remember when I was just starting out in my Health Coaching practice and I went to a networking event.  They had a great breakfast spread…fruit, yogurt, and  ALMOND CROISSANTS.  Almond Croissants are on my top 5 of Favorite Foods but since I was THE Health Coach, I only took the fruit and yogurt and sat down at a table with some very friendly women.  One woman started eating her croissant and started telling us how fresh and delicious it was with just the right amount of sweetness.  I couldn’t stand it…I quickly excused myself to get one for myself, making a joke that my Healthy Eating Plan was based on a 80%-20% rule and I was taking a Zumba class later that day. 

 

Later that day, one of the women asked for my card.  She scheduled her initial consultation immediately and was ready to start!  I complemented her on her drive and motivation and she laughed and told me, “It was you going back for the croissant.  I knew that you were “real,” and wouldn’t be standing on a pedestal dictating what I should do.  You were comfortable enough with yourself to be who you are and I want someone to help me be like that.”

 
So, the next time you begin to doubt yourself and head down that path you KNOW you don’t want to go towards…ask yourself these questions…

 

-Am I just avoiding conflict?  Am I living true to who I am or am I just trying to please the people in my life?

 

-Am I afraid of not being accepted?  What value do I bring to this group/project if I just go along with what everyone says? 

 

And finally...

Why would the "REAL ME" not be enough?  What do I have and want to offer?  


 

Now excuse me…I have to go for a run since there is a bakery that just opened up…guess what their specialty is?   ;)   I’m interested in hearing/reading about what you think?  Thoughts?

 


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allison_lowe@yahoo.com

Fall is Here...New Beginnings and a Great Purpose!

9.17-RSG Website-1st Blog Post Moms Painting


I love Fall…there is something about the crisper air, kids grudgingly going back to school and starting a new grade and relieved parents going back to the “routine.”  In fact, some cultures believe that Fall is the “beginning” of the next year.

This is the “beginning” of MY new year and my blog!  After sitting on the sidelines for years and admiring, learning and absorbing other fantastic blogs, I have finally “walked the talk” and started one of my own.  Of course, since I can never do anything simply, I’m also launching my own Coaching Business (www.ready-set-go.me)   To say that I’m nervous and overwhelmed would be the understatement of the century.  And yet, I’m also really excited and my brain won’t turn off all the ideas and dreams.

When I was contemplating a change in my life, I have to admit I was very comfortable and grateful for where I was.  As a Recruiting Consultant, I had a great gig recruiting for Deloitte (one of the best corporations I always admired).  I also had (and still have) a great personal life…a wonderful FGE (Favorite Guy Ever aka Significant Other, Long Term Boyfriend, etc), 4 spirited Rescue Dogs, 1 extremely patient long-suffering Cat and a smart, infuriating snarky Daughter as well as supportive and fun friends to fill my days.  And yet…something was still missing.

I read an article (for the life of me, I can’t find it but when I do, we’ll talk about this again) that really resonated with me.  It described how when we were younger, we focused on our List of Objectives (aka Things To Do…you know…walk the dogs, get groceries, pay the bills.)  From there, we graduated to “Our Goals” such as getting our degree, getting that dream job, finding that right partner.  Finally, after completing some of our goals and maybe straying off our path, we begin to understand our Great Purpose. 

But here’s a thought…what happens if we try to visualize our Great Purpose first?  Wouldn’t our objectives and goals be more aligned?  A caveat here is to make sure that our Great Purpose is as generalized and flexible as you can make it so you won’t get discouraged when you veer off course (trust me, you’re supposed to) and give up.

After much thought and rumination, I discovered that my Great Purpose was to Inspire!  And that, my readers, is this Blog’s Great Purpose.  As a Holistic Wellness Coach, I believe that we need to pay attention to all aspects of our life: 

  • Nourishing ourselves with healthy and enjoyable nutrition
  • Nurturing ourselves by taking care of our body, mind & soul with exercise, passions and balance
  • Achieving small and big wins like eating more vegetables, getting promoted to that dream job and finding the life you want
  • Connecting with the people (your tribe) that you “click” and can count on and inspire you to be who you are.
 
You will find posts that will include great recipes (some healthy, some decadent…don’t judge), exercise and adventure ideas (my passion is travel…I work so I can go on more adventures), career advice (I’ve been on that other side that “hires”…trust me, I can give you some good perspective) and relationship insights (somehow, my family stories could fill a couple of books).  Hopefully, these posts will inspire you to share your thoughts and stories and together we can build a community support system that can be a great resource and inspiration as well!

P.S....The photo above is a painting that my Mom painted when she was 85 years old...talk about inspiring!

I would love to hear what you think!  Please sign up to be included in this community and share your knowledge and experiences and maybe learn something about yourself!  

Ready?…Set? …GO!


 

 

 

 

 


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