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NURTURE: Why is it so hard to be true to ourselves?

11.1-RSG-Blog Post - Oscar Wilde


Last Saturday, I lead a great Powerhouse Circle group in discussing ways how to get ourselves “unstuck.”  We talked about the different ways we felt stuck…how we got there and our challenges to “pull ourselves out of the mud” and move forward.  There were great insights shared and the one that stood out the most was how we all “play a role” that’s not true to who we really are.

 

And that got me thinking…

 

Why is it so hard to be true to ourselves?

 

Now, I can’t speak for any of you because, of course, we have different perspectives and approaches to life but I would like to share some reasons and insights that came out of that conversation…

 

We don’t like CONFLICT

 

I don’t know about you but I will go out of my way NOT to disagree or disappoint people.   Consequently, I have ended up in relationships, situations and conversations that lasted way too long. 

 

When I was in my late twenties, I started dating a friend of a friend.  My group of friends were so excited!  Visions of an engagement, wedding and future family were the topics of most of our conversations.   And, I’ll admit…I fell into right into those dreams.  But there was a problem…while I liked the guy, I could never see him as my future partner.

 

However, I stayed with him for two very long years.  Every time I tried to break off the relationship, it would start arguments between my family and friends, as well as with him and then I would just “settle in” and tell myself that life wasn’t meant to be perfect.  You know how the story ends…one morning, I woke up and realized that I was living someone else’s life.  Needless to say, we are no longer together and I eventually met the love of my life.  Best of all, everyone likes him...most importantly, ME!

 

 

We want to be ACCEPTED

 

We all have had experience at least once when we shared something that made us different than the group.  Unfortunately, that has rarely been celebrated.

 

When I first started out in my career, I had a great opportunity to implement HR functions at a Manufacturing Company who never had a HR presence before.  I found myself on the Leadership Team with a group of experienced middle-aged professionals.  Being a new grad, I had fresh ideas and limitless energy.  And, I really knew my stuff.  I remember sharing my ideas to improve Employee Morale the first month and having them all quickly shot down.  I was embarrassed and intimidated at that time and from that point on, I vowed to just “go with the flow.” 

 

Not surprisingly, I got sick a lot and hated my job.  I felt useless and like an imposter.  And when people kept quitting, I felt resentful and frustrated.  After a year, I jumped at a different job offer from a company who really valued my ideas.

 

We have EXPECTATIONS of Who We SHOULD Be

 

We all have the gap of who we SHOULD be and WHO we really are.  I guess the real question is why WHO we are isn’t good enough for our worst critic…ourselves.

 

I remember when I was just starting out in my Health Coaching practice and I went to a networking event.  They had a great breakfast spread…fruit, yogurt, and  ALMOND CROISSANTS.  Almond Croissants are on my top 5 of Favorite Foods but since I was THE Health Coach, I only took the fruit and yogurt and sat down at a table with some very friendly women.  One woman started eating her croissant and started telling us how fresh and delicious it was with just the right amount of sweetness.  I couldn’t stand it…I quickly excused myself to get one for myself, making a joke that my Healthy Eating Plan was based on a 80%-20% rule and I was taking a Zumba class later that day. 

 

Later that day, one of the women asked for my card.  She scheduled her initial consultation immediately and was ready to start!  I complemented her on her drive and motivation and she laughed and told me, “It was you going back for the croissant.  I knew that you were “real,” and wouldn’t be standing on a pedestal dictating what I should do.  You were comfortable enough with yourself to be who you are and I want someone to help me be like that.”

 
So, the next time you begin to doubt yourself and head down that path you KNOW you don’t want to go towards…ask yourself these questions…

 

-Am I just avoiding conflict?  Am I living true to who I am or am I just trying to please the people in my life?

 

-Am I afraid of not being accepted?  What value do I bring to this group/project if I just go along with what everyone says? 

 

And finally...

Why would the "REAL ME" not be enough?  What do I have and want to offer?  

 

Now excuse me…I have to go for a run since there is a bakery that just opened up…guess what their specialty is?   ;)   I’m interested in hearing/reading about what you think?  Thoughts?

 

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NOURISH: Eating Healthier…One Bite at a Time

So, it’s mid-afternoon and I just got off my conference call. I ate a very healthy lunch but now I have that craving for ….something. I know the café has freshly baked dessert downstairs or I could just go buy some BBQ chips….what to do…what to do… Read More
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It IS what It IS, MOM!

9.27-RSG - Blog 2-2



I became a mom at 40…let me tell you that journey can be rewarding & challenging at the same time.  What stands out most in this adventure is how much I learn from my wise & wacky kid.  From time to time, I’d like to share these stories with you and I’d love to hear yours!   

 

I started out as a very idealistic mom.  I was raised to believe that if you worked hard and planned well, the outcome would be as expected.  After all, this was mostly the experience in my professional and social world.  I worked my 60 hours a week and I was rewarded with great commissions and recognition.  I studied hard and I got a 3.9 GPA in school.  I planned well and everything would seem to work out as planned.

 

That is until the Charming Tyrant came into my life…

 

I remember trying to get this little one down for the night.  She wasn’t ready for bed and kept me telling that she was NOT tired and that she really wanted MORE cuddle time and ONE more story.  I had to catch a flight in the morning and really needed to get packing.  Finally after much pleading and pouting, I told her, “Cutie…It is what it is…I know you’re not tired and you want to stay awake longer but it is what it is.”

 

The next morning, there was the frantic morning rush.  The tyrant was moving in slow motion…stopping to cuddle with the cat…putting one shoe on and looking for her other shoe (which was in her hand) …spinning herself in circles and counting how long it would take to “really” get dizzy (“Look mom, I can count!”)  Finally, after much dramedy, we were able to finally get out of the house.

 

Exasperated and stressed, I muttered under my breath…”For once, I would just like to get out of the house ON time, WITHOUT incidents.”  And the Charming Tyrant looked up at me with that sweet smile and said, “It is what it IS, MOM!”

 

I guess there are several “take-aways” here.  One…kids really listen to EVERYTHING you say.   Two…parents really should “WALK THE TALK” or they will get busted.  However, let me explain my true Light Bulb moment… (please visualize the Light Bulb turning on in my head…)

 

That morning, my toddler helped me really understand what “It is what it is” really meant.  She GOT it way before I did…When my marriage broke up, I tearfully told her that we had to move and our lives were going to change…she comforted me by telling me “It is what it is, Mom…we’ll be ok.” When our flight got cancelled and we had to wait 6 hours for the next flight, she calmed me down with “It is what it is, Mom…let’s get a snack.”  And even last Friday, when we were stuck in rush traffic, she shrugged and said, “It is what it is, Mom…let me play you this cool song I downloaded.”

 

I have definitely evolved knowing this information and now, I strive to be more grounded, accepting and adaptable.  Looking back, I realize that I was definitely in denial and would purposely avoid any thing that would bring me stress, pain or feeling uncomfortable.  And…when I couldn’t bypass it, I would become so angry, frustrated and feel completely disillusioned.  Sometimes, out of fear or spite, I’d stop what I was working towards because I didn’t want to be in the same uncomfortable situation again.

 

I don’t think that served me well at all and I probably missed out on a lot of great opportunities.  (Would have, Should have, Could have…)  Thanks to my daughter, I’m better at recognizing that life can get messy, emotional and hard to deal with.  Because, “It is what it is.”  Changing my perspective and approach has helped me quickly move on with the frustration and disappointment.  Instead, I start to focus on figuring out alternative ways to deal with the situation.

 

For example, I could just go to bed and be well rested for the next day.  Or, leave an unhappy relationship sooner instead of tolerating the tension and negativity.  Or buy the whole album because I really like the “cool” song that I listened to while I was in Friday night traffic. 

 

After all, It is what it is… 

 

I’d love to hear about your “It is what it is” experiences! 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Fall is Here...New Beginnings and a Great Purpose!

9.17-RSG Website-1st Blog Post Moms Painting


I love Fall…there is something about the crisper air, kids grudgingly going back to school and starting a new grade and relieved parents going back to the “routine.”  In fact, some cultures believe that Fall is the “beginning” of the next year.

This is the “beginning” of MY new year and my blog!  After sitting on the sidelines for years and admiring, learning and absorbing other fantastic blogs, I have finally “walked the talk” and started one of my own.  Of course, since I can never do anything simply, I’m also launching my own Coaching Business (www.ready-set-go.me)   To say that I’m nervous and overwhelmed would be the understatement of the century.  And yet, I’m also really excited and my brain won’t turn off all the ideas and dreams.

When I was contemplating a change in my life, I have to admit I was very comfortable and grateful for where I was.  As a Recruiting Consultant, I had a great gig recruiting for Deloitte (one of the best corporations I always admired).  I also had (and still have) a great personal life…a wonderful FGE (Favorite Guy Ever aka Significant Other, Long Term Boyfriend, etc), 4 spirited Rescue Dogs, 1 extremely patient long-suffering Cat and a smart, infuriating snarky Daughter as well as supportive and fun friends to fill my days.  And yet…something was still missing.

I read an article (for the life of me, I can’t find it but when I do, we’ll talk about this again) that really resonated with me.  It described how when we were younger, we focused on our List of Objectives (aka Things To Do…you know…walk the dogs, get groceries, pay the bills.)  From there, we graduated to “Our Goals” such as getting our degree, getting that dream job, finding that right partner.  Finally, after completing some of our goals and maybe straying off our path, we begin to understand our Great Purpose. 

But here’s a thought…what happens if we try to visualize our Great Purpose first?  Wouldn’t our objectives and goals be more aligned?  A caveat here is to make sure that our Great Purpose is as generalized and flexible as you can make it so you won’t get discouraged when you veer off course (trust me, you’re supposed to) and give up.

After much thought and rumination, I discovered that my Great Purpose was to Inspire!  And that, my readers, is this Blog’s Great Purpose.  As a Holistic Wellness Coach, I believe that we need to pay attention to all aspects of our life: 

  • Nourishing ourselves with healthy and enjoyable nutrition
  • Nurturing ourselves by taking care of our body, mind & soul with exercise, passions and balance
  • Achieving small and big wins like eating more vegetables, getting promoted to that dream job and finding the life you want
  • Connecting with the people (your tribe) that you “click” and can count on and inspire you to be who you are.
 
You will find posts that will include great recipes (some healthy, some decadent…don’t judge), exercise and adventure ideas (my passion is travel…I work so I can go on more adventures), career advice (I’ve been on that other side that “hires”…trust me, I can give you some good perspective) and relationship insights (somehow, my family stories could fill a couple of books).  Hopefully, these posts will inspire you to share your thoughts and stories and together we can build a community support system that can be a great resource and inspiration as well!

P.S....The photo above is a painting that my Mom painted when she was 85 years old...talk about inspiring!

I would love to hear what you think!  Please sign up to be included in this community and share your knowledge and experiences and maybe learn something about yourself!  

Ready?…Set? …GO!

 

 

 

 

 

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